An unforeseen event that disrupts the normal course of things.

Its funny how things move along as you might expect and then one day something happens, something occurs to you that completely changes everything. It changes the way you think about things, the way you carry yourself, the way you react. I thought my life was going in a specific direction…one of healing and renewal. But shortly after my return, I was set on a course that I cannot turn away from. I haven’t written of it before now, because I wasn’t sure how to present it. Its deeply personal and yet I want to tell the world about it. Who would have thought at 38, I could feel like a silly teenager with a crush. But there it is.

I’ve known this man for years – since I was born actually. He, being best friends with my eldest brother, was always there, always part of my life…until our lives took us in different directions. He was like another brother – playful and teasing – yet more patient and more gentle. He walked back into my life the night of my return no longer a young man but a dignified, intriguing gentleman. Due to convention, acceptable behaviour, and years of separation our reunion was reserved but our shared fondness of one another was still evident. That had not surprised me, but what did was that I realized how attractive he is.

Suddenly he’s all I think about and he really doesn’t give me a reason not to. He’s frequently at my brother’s home in the evenings sipping coffee and chatting about politics and the like with Sadeer. When I’m not needed by the children, I join them. I often find my attentions straying from the discussion to admire the way his greying hair falls in waves at the nape of his neck, the way his eyes change from a smoky quartz to midnight when he’s passionate about the conversation, or the way his elegant hands caress his coffee cup. His manner of speaking is sophisticated and intelligent – captivating actually. His voice lingers in my ears for hours after he has departed.

He doesn’t leave me pining. In fact, his gestures reveal an affection for me that leaves me with a feeling of comfort. He still calls me Beeseh, which he has since I was small and rambunctious. He has always said it with a gentle smile but the softness that was in his eyes then has now been replaced with an intensity that I can’t ignore. It feels as though we’re in this dance bringing us closer but not close enough to say that we were dancing together. Either way, it’s a beautiful dance and one that I hope to continue enjoying.


6 thoughts on “Contretemps

  1. This could be the beginning of something beautiful and intricate and pleasant that will last you for the rest of your life. You have known this man for some time – he isn’t just one of those desperate men you’re always running into who flirt with you online. No more of those, please. You know Nizar and he is stable, kind, and tenderhearted. Take it slow, keep your eyes open, don’t be afraid to love.I have a very good feeling that we haven’t heard the last of Mr. Zizar. Love deeply and well, my friend. I completely approve!


  2. These moments are priceless… and their aftertaste… beyond words.I hope that life treats you with one surprise after another, all in a nice and pleasant way:-)


  3. I see we are the same age, and I’ve really forgotten how is like to have butterflies in your stomach. Go for it! And let us know what you think we should know.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s